First the pie, now the mash

As someone of - shall we say? - a somewhat less-than 'bronzed Adonis' body shape, the public wringing-out of Sutton United reserve goalkeeper/goalkeeping coach/groundsman Wayne Shaw has been an unedifying spectacle.

But, then, we Brits love a story about a loveable foil. Shaw himself may have courted publicity long before Tuesday night's "piegate" incident at Gander Green Lane: when images first emerged of the 23-stone, 45-year-old with a...um...unique physical profile for a footballer, even a part-timer at a non-league club he was already cast for "top footy bantz", with memes immediately tweeted which revolved around that old terrace staple of "who ate all the pies?".

Well, now we know. But not without Shaw apparently putting himself in league with the Devil - i.e. Sun Bets (shirt sponsors of Sutton's FA Cup 5th round tie with Arsenal) for the stunt in which he conspicuously munched on a pasty while the clock ticked down on the match. Given that the FA Cup is sold on the romantic lore of its "magic", and the prospect of underdog teams doing battle with those from the elite at obscure suburban grounds, sight of the "roly-poly-goalie" engaging with pastry and meats-various should really have become just a part of the competition's glorious mixture of the professional and the amateur.

But, no. The suspicion that Shaw's piefest may have actually contravened FA betting rules has brought about a collective swallowing of something hard and jagged. Shaw himself has apparently resigned from the club "in tears", while the Gambling Commission and the FA are said to be investigating - quite rightly suspicious of the fact Sun Bets had offered odds of 8-1 that Shaw would be filmed consuming some form of pie during the game (although there is already a counter that he was eating a pasty, not a pie, so the bet was null-and-void, anyway).

With honesty, Shaw admitted that he had been aware of the odds on offer but maintained that he didn't place a bet himself though. Still, despite it all probably and naively being a 'bit of fun', Shaw himself has ended up being hung out to dry, disgracefully, even by The Sun newspaper itself, the media associate of Sun Bets. Humbug, methinks.

Fun though this may all be - and there is a strong sense of po-faced joylessness over the official reaction (the Gambling Commission's Richard Watson said, with some justification, "integrity in sport is not a joke") - the saddest part is that Shaw ends up just another loveable loser, an Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards with goalkeeping gloves. And it has detracted from a genuinely impressive performance by Sutton against Arsenal, 105 places above the south London side.

"[The issue] has been very disappointing, there’s no doubt about that,", Sutton's dignified manager Paul Doswell told Sky News. "It’s something that we’ve dealt with quickly as a club. Wayne himself has offered his resignation to the club this afternoon and that has been accepted. It’s a very sad end to what was a very good story."

Inevitably, though, Shaw may yet run out the winner. Despite leaving the job he loved, that had seen him sleep at the ground just to ensure it was ready for the big tie, the supermarket chain Morrisons has apparently offered him a job as a pie taster. "We’re always looking for the best talent to taste our pies and make sure they hit the back of the net," said the supermarket's Chief Pie Buyer, Tessa Callaghan, without any obvious recognition of the crow-barred PR opportunism of it all.

Well, I suppose we Brits love to make capital out of calamity. Our favourite war film is The Great Escape (which, you'll recall, ended with most escapees being recaptured and shot) and its theme tune was adopted to gee up England fans at internationals. And don't forget Gareth Southgate, Stuart Pearce and Chris Waddle landed lucrative Pizza Hut commercials for messing up their penalties at Euro '96 and the 1990 World Cup, respectively. Piegate may end well for Wayne Shaw, but at risk of joining the po-faced and joyless who've been scornful of the whole episode, I can't agree more with Doswell that it has taken the shine off the real reason we love watching David/Goliath cup ties. And that has nothing to do with pastry.