Chelsea - the loan arranger

Like chronically untogether husbands raiding petrol station gift shops on Christmas Eve, the Premier League's clubs concluded their summer transfer business on Wednesday night. Some, like the smart shoppers who get their festive acquisitions done in July, will be well on the way to integrating their purchases. Others - and I gladly single out my own Chelsea here - will still be trying to figure out what actually happened on the final day of the window and where they go from here.

I was promising myself not to go into another rant about Chelsea's transfer policy, but it's a tide I'm struggling to hold back. Because as amusing as it was to hear on Tuesday that the club was actually putting in a bid for the clown prince of central defenders, David Luiz, whom Chelsea had cheekily offloaded to PSG for an eye-watering £50 million (a transaction akin to exchanging a cow for magic beans), the reality of seeing him smirk his way through St. Pancras on Wednesday evening was something else.

For all the praise Chelsea rightfully earned when they "did their business early" in snapping up Diego Costa and Cesc Fàbregas fresh off Spain's early exit from the 2014 World Cup, the derision at last summer's window-closing trolley dash was fully justified: having been turned down by Everton for John Stones, Chelsea squeaked in with the last-minute purchases of Senegalese defender Papy Djilobodji and Reading's Jamaican central half Michael Hector...who was promptly loaned back to Reading.

The July signings of Belgian striker Michy Batshuayi (£33 million from Marseille) and N'Golo Kante from Leicester City for £30 million showed early promise. But then? Nothing. Until Marcos Alonso was brought in on Wednesday to provide left back cover, and the baffling re-signing of Luiz, all the movement from Stamford Bridge was outbound.

The chant, usually levelled at referees, of "you don't know what you're doing!" could so easily be applicable to Chelsea's player acquisitions department, especially as last season, for all the incoming traffic, there were at one point 36 players out on loan. This season they've gone two better with 38. That's thirty-eight. Three entire teams, plus five subs which are deemed surplus to requirements and/or in need of extra "development", if development is actually what they'll receive at Vitesse Arnhem, Chelsea's "sister club" in the Dutch Eredivisie. And don't forget, these 38 are on top of the 'development squad' that will remain at Cobham, forming the Under 17, Under 18, Under 19 and Under 21 teams.

It makes you wonder what was going through the club when these 38 loanees were being signed. What was the strategy for Juan Cuadrado, who's been pinging around Italy like a loose pinball ever since the club "had" to buy him from Fiorentina in 2015 (and is now back at Juventus on loan)? Or Bertrand Traore, one of the more promising youngsters last season, and who is now at Ajax, on loan? And what of prospects like Tammy Abraham (on loan at Bristol City), Nathan Ake (Bournemouth), Christian Atsu (Newcastle), Baba Rahman (the other defender bought last summer and now on loan at Schalke), Lucas Piazon (Fulham)  Lewis Baker (Arnhem), Patrick Bamford (Burnley), Jamal Blackman (Wycombe), Izzie Brown (Rotherham), Andreas Christensen (Monchengladbach), Jake Clarke-Salter (Bristol Rovers), Tomas Kalas (Fulham), Kenedy (Watford) Matt Miazga (Vitesse Arnhem) - all of whom have been feted or have tasted glimpses of first team football?

18 of this season's loanees are under the age of 21, with just 35 first team appearances between them, so it could be argued that these are young talents in need of frontline football. But with 38 in total playing elsewhere, you can't help feeling what a complete waste of talent and expectation.

Of course, no club can sustain a large squad, and as Mourinho himself has demonstrated at Manchester United, you sometimes have to be ruthless in deciding who you want, and freeing up the rest. And Chelsea aren't alone in the loaning business - Manchester City have 17 out on loan this season, Liverpool 12, West Ham 11, Tottenham seven and Arsenal and Manchester United both six.

But for Chelsea, it just looks like a transfer strategy one awry. Even with Antonio Conte coming in with a clear view of whom he wants, if David Luiz is the solution, the problem is bigger than we may have thought.